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Adultery conviction is affair to remember
for divorce industry
By John F. Kelly, Washington Post, 12/7/2003
When John Raymond Bushey Jr. became the first person in as long
as anyone can remember to have been convicted of adultery in Virginia,
several things happened. He resigned his position as attorney for
the Shenandoah Valley town of Luray, Va., a job he had for 32 years.
People who heard of his situation scratched their heads and said,
"You mean, adultery is actually a crime?"
And those who wade into the messy aftermath of alleged infidelity,
such as divorce lawyers and private investigators, started pondering
the impact the ruling would have on their jobs.
As for the folks in Luray, they're just curious what the snowy-haired
Bushey -- 65 years old, married for 18 years to the town clerk,
and the very model of a courtly Southern lawyer -- had been up to.
"You always hear gossip, but you never know what to put
any credence to," said a woman who works on Luray's Main
Street. Like virtually everyone else interviewed in the town of
4,500, she spoke on the condition that her name not be used when
commenting on the Bushey case.
Because the charges were filed in Virginia's lowest court, there
are no records that say exactly what Bushey did, with whom he did
it, or why prosecutors would pluck such a rarely used statute from
Virginia's criminal code and apply it to him.
Bushey has declined to discuss the case. And prosecutors have not
given many details of Bushey's guilty plea on Oct. 23, the result
of an agreement.
"There's nobody peeping in a window saying, Mr. Bushey
did this,' " said an assistant district attorney, Glenn
Williamson, when asked how authorities had found out about the indiscretion.
The complainant, he said, was the woman involved with Bushey. She
has not been charged. Although he pleaded guilty in District Court,
Bushey is allowed to appeal to Circuit Court. On Oct. 31, that's
what he did.
More details might come out when the case goes before a judge on
Jan. 27. Until then, Williamson is not discussing the case, beyond
saying, "I think that the state has an interest in protecting
the sanctity of marriage."
Like other Class 4 misdemeanors in Virginia, adultery carries a
maximum penalty of a $250 fine. Bushey paid half that, along with
$36 in court costs.
Prosecutors in the Washington area could not recall the last time
anyone around here was charged with adultery. Many laws seen as
holdovers from an earlier morality have been repealed in periodic
overhauls of state statutes. The US Supreme Court's ruling in June
that struck down Texas's antisodomy statute has prompted many states,
including Virginia, to scrutinize laws concerning private acts between
consenting adults.
The Virginia State Crime Commission has spent the past three years
studying the state's criminal code and next month will recommend
repealing its sodomy statute and the fornication statute, which
prohibits sex between unmarried people.
Also recommended for repeal: "Conspiring to cause a spouse
to commit adultery," a leftover from the days of fault
divorce, when a wife sometimes hired a woman to seduce her husband
and also paid a camera-toting private investigator to kick down
the door of their love nest.
But the adultery statue has held on, even though the commission
staff said the Supreme Court's ruling in Lawrence v. Texas could
be interpreted to suggest that Virginia's adultery statute is unconstitutional.
"There's still a public policy concern," said
Brian J. Moran, a Virginia General Assembly delegate who serves
on the crime commission. "Adultery is wrong, and we were
not going to eliminate a criminal action even though it has been
infrequently prosecuted."
There is another reason it is useful to keep on the books a law
that is seldom prosecuted, experts said: It allows individuals in
civil divorce cases to assert their Fifth Amendment right against
self-incrimination when asked about extramarital exploits. If adultery
were not a crime, spouses involved in divorces would have no legal
protection when presented with such questions as, "What
were your secretary's pantyhose doing in your glove compartment?"
With adultery a crime that conceivably could be prosecuted, "a
lot of this kind of dime-store novel testimony just doesn't get
presented," said Joseph F. Murphy Jr., chief judge of Maryland's
Court of Special Appeals.
But some judges in civil cases do compel bickering spouses to testify,
arguing that the crime of adultery is never prosecuted. The Bushey
conviction has ensured that this is no longer the case.
"That's going to have an impact on future cases because
I think while in the past the argument was that nobody ever's been
convicted [of adultery] so it's not really a risk, this is saying
something differently," said Carol Schrier-Polak, a family
law lawyer with the Arlington firm Bean, Kinney & Korman.
Sanford K. Ain, a lawyer at Sherman, Meehan, Curtin & Ain agreed:
"The decision may have some very significant consequences,"
he said.
The divorce industry has changed over the years, as the role adultery
plays in court cases has evolved. The rise of no-fault divorce meant
that establishing adultery was no longer as important as it once
was. But in Virginia it still is a factor when a judge divides assets,
sets alimony, and makes custody decisions.
Private investigators in Virginia pore over court rulings such
as Coe v. Coe and Watts v. Watts, cases that established what constitutes
"clear and convincing" proof of adultery. Public
displays of affection caught on videotape are a start, said Caren
Chancey of Background Brokers in Bristow. Courts also look favorably
on such evidence as a videotape of an adulterous couple entering
a motel room in the middle of the day and spending at least two
hours inside alone. If a private investigator can document the sex
act -- in a vehicle or through open vertical blinds -- so much the
better.
Chancey said most tapes are never shown to a judge. Their existence
often is enough to force the cheating spouse to a settlement.
Deborah Aylward of A Woman-Owned Private Investigation Agency in
Falls Church, Va., predicts that publicity surrounding the Bushey
case will make the unfaithful toe the line -- for a while.
"We're going to see a dip in our sales as people are more
cautious," Aylward said. "Absolutely. People
are going to be very, very good. But I've got to tell you, this
industry is cyclical."
And that means the Seventh Commandment will continue to be broken.
Bushey declined comment. In a phone interview, his wife, Cindy Bushey,
did not comment on her husband's problems beyond saying, "We're
going to stay together."
© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.
Relationship red flags
By Helena Oliviero, Atlanta Journal-Constitution Staff Writer
Goldie Margolis, a 35-year-old executive at a Fortune 500 company,
had suspicions about a man she was dating. But lonely and craving
romance, she ignored flagrant relationship warning signs that should
have told her she was on shaky ground.
He didn't give her his home phone number. He never invited her
to his place. They shared candlelight meals only on weeknights.
Giddiness blinded Margolis. He sent her pages saying, "I
am your biggest fan." He would pull her close and say,
"You are the 'it' girl."
"You see what you want to see when emotions are involved,"
said Margolis, who lives in Atlanta. But after a three-month courtship,
she was "hit smack in the face" with what she
sometimes feared: After someone called her home and hung up, she
punched *69, returned the call and heard another woman's voice on
the answering machine -- a voice that mentioned the name of her
boyfriend.
"I ditched the rules and gave in," Margolis
said. "In fact, I fell in."
It's common for men and women desperate for romance to ignore relationship
red flags, just as Margolis did. One of the more prominent examples
occurred last week in Gwinnett County when Anthony Glenn Owens was
arrested on bigamy charges. He's suspected of marrying nine women,
including one in Duluth. He duped some of them by posing as a minister.
One woman, 37-year-old Mattie Noland of Tuscaloosa, Ala., admitted
it seemed odd that her husband would spend up to a week away from
home, ostensibly producing a gospel album. Why doubt him, the Pizza
Hut employee thought, since he was a preacher?
"I trusted him blindly," Noland said in a telephone
interview. "A lot of times, we don't want to see it. We
are blinded to the point of being in love."
They started dating in October 1998 and got married in June 1999.
They separated one year later, after Noland caught Owens going out
with another woman. She said she would get a divorce but doesn't
have the money for one.
"I wish I could have seen it, but I didn't see it until
it was too late," Noland said.
There are common red flags anyone in a committed relationship should
take note. Among them:
- The other person gets defensive when you ask for life details.
- Finding slips of paper with unfamiliar names on them.
- Getting phone hang-ups at home.
Above all, don't rush things, relationship experts advise.
"Many women want to connect intimately in a relationship
so much, they are more than willing to deny or overlook what their
acute senses would normally pick up," said Helene Brenner,
a Maryland psychologist and author of the book "I Know
I'm in There Somewhere: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner Voice
and Living a Life of Authenticity."
"Sad to say, I've seen this so many times," Brenner
said. "It is a tremendous vulnerability in a great many
women."
While men are just as susceptible to ignoring signs that a relationship
is built on a series of lies, none contacted for this article consented
to have their names used. One expert estimated women are three times
more likely to be fooled by men who are in other relationships.
Private investigator Mark Allen stakes out hotels for clients who
suspect adultery, and he says he often spots signs of an affair
during the first phone conversation with the person who hires him.
"Hang-ups at home, new wardrobe, little slips of paper
with names on them and lack of bedroom activity. Those are all red
flags to me," he said. "I hear those over and
over."
To someone outside looking in, the wrongdoing often appears obvious.
Two-timing seems apparent to listeners of the "Bert Show"
on Q100 (WWWQ-FM) long before the boyfriend or spouse under suspicion
becomes part of a skit known as "War of the Roses." In
the segment, a woman calls the radio station and talks about why
she suspects her man is cheating, mentioning everything from long
nights at the gym to lack of sex. The man, who is offered a dozen
of red roses for free to give to anyone he chooses, almost always
sends them to a mistress.
"The women know deep down that the guy is cheating,"
said "Bert Show" producer Jeff Dauler. "And
they need proof not so they can catch them as much as having proof
for themselves to verify what they already know."
Dr. D Charles Williams, a Dunwoody psychologist, said dishonesty
is more acute today in dating, jobs and school. The news is filled
with corporate fraud and other indiscretions: Dennis Kozlowski,
the former chairman of Tyco International, is accused of looting
his company and investors of $600 million; Cubs outfielder Sammy
Sosa is caught with cork in his bat; Los Angeles Lakers player Kobe
Bryant admits to cheating on his wife.
Success and conquest, Williams says, are valued over honesty.
"In every area of our life, there is less integrity,"
Williams said. "I have men come in here who have consistently
cheated and then they say they have trust issues with the person
they are with, and it's like, you have consistently lied and you
don't trust her?"
However, Atlanta psychologist Robert Simmermon said stories about
people with many lovers or con artists are nothing new.
"These go back to ancient Greece," said Simmermon.
"There [have] just been various ways they are carried out.
. . . What does this tell us about ourselves? That we are human
and we can't transform our humanness."
But Anita Connor of Atlanta, who is her late 30s, said she has
learned to do her homework. Fifteen years ago she dated a man who
she later learned was married.
"It's always the schemers who hate it when you try to
check up on them and they give you a guilt trip, saying, 'Oh, don't
you trust me?' A real man knows there's nothing wrong with a woman
being careful. You almost have to treat it like the person is an
employee and you are the employer. You've got to do your investigative
work."
GETTING A CLUE
Here are some behaviors that may indicate your beloved is beguiling
you:
- Evasiveness about job, family and background.
- Sudden schedule changes.
- Sudden appearance changes.
- Insistence on meeting at odd times.
- Often unreachable.
- Friends are luke warm about him/her.
-- Source: Relationship experts
On-line surveillance among spouses on rise
Associated Press (UPDATED AT 9:20 AM EST Thursday, Jul. 31,
2003)
Suspicious husbands and wives who once might have hired a private
eye to find out if their spouses were cheating are now using do-it-yourself
technology to check on an increasingly popular hideaway for trysts
- the Internet.
Divorce lawyers and marriage counselors say Internet-abetted infidelity,
romance originating in chat rooms and fuelled by e-mails, is now
one of the leading factors in marital breakdowns.
With the surge in cyberaffairs, a new market for electronic spying
has developed. Web sites such as Chatcheaters.com and InfidelityCheck.org
describe an array of surveillance products capable of tracking a
cheating spouse's e-mails and on-line chats, including some that
can monitor each key stroke in real time.
"The traditional detective hired to chase information
is being replaced by software that's not terribly expensive but
can give you 100 times the information," said John Mayoue,
a prominent divorce lawyer from Atlanta.
"It used to be that when you wanted to prove adultery,
you would prove it circumstantially," he said. "In
the computer era, I can have something that is so graphic, so clear,
there's not a whole lot of room for argument."
John LaSage, a Southern Californian, established the Chatcheaters
Web site after his wife of 23 years left him and their two teenage
daughters without forewarning in 1999 to join a New Zealand man
she had met on-line.
Chatcheaters - which offers advice, surveillance equipment and
first-person stories of betrayal - averages 400 visitors a day,
mostly women, Mr. LaSage said. His wares include $450 (U.S.) vehicle
trackers and $100 computer-spying programs.
Mr. LaSage said he was devastated to discover, after his wife had
left, that she had engaged in erotic e-mail and chat room correspondence
with several men.
"I tell people to be careful - you have to be prepared
for what you're going to see," he said.
Sandra Morris, a San Diego attorney who is president of the American
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, said the spread of Internet infidelity
has raised some complicated issues about computer privacy.
"A spouse may have a misplaced sense of entitlement to
spy," she said. "There are prohibitions against
electronic eavesdropping, though a lot of people feel that when
someone's cheating, all bets are off."
Mr. Mayoue said federal statutes outlawing interception of electronic
communications can apply within a marriage.
"A spouse does have a right to privacy even from his or
her own spouse," he said. "I've been on both
sides of this - it's the most compelling evidence you'll have in
a divorce case, but also the most fraught with potential liability."
A suspicious husband or wife may have no legal grounds for breaking
into codeword-protected areas of a spouse's personal computer, but
may be able to justify reading an e-mail that was easily retrieved
on a shared family computer, Mr. Mayoue said.
David Greenfield, a West Hartford, Conn., psychologist and author
of the book, Virtual Addiction, said many spouses who engage in
cyberaffairs consider their on-line romances to be harmless.
"But the spouses of those who are cheating don't see it
that way," Mr. Greenfield said. "It's often done
on the same computer they both use at home. It's like having someone
else in your own bedroom."
He said the convenience and seeming anonymity of the Internet have
attracted a new breed of adulterers, people who might have been
too timid to make their first forays into infidelity face-to-face.
"Affairs have always existed," Mr. Greenfield
said. "But the fact that you can connect with people all
over the world with relative ease and no cost lowers that threshold."
A University of Florida researcher, Beatriz Mileham, studied Internet
infidelity as part of her doctoral dissertation, interviewing 76
men and 10 women who used popular chat rooms called "Married
and Flirting" and "Married But Flirting."
Most of the participants insisted they loved their spouses but
sought a romantic encounter on-line because of boredom or their
partner's disinterest in sex, Ms. Mileham found. She said 24 of
the participants ended up having a real-life affair with at least
one of the people they met on-line.
John LaSage demonstrates how to set a surveillance vehicle tracker
underneath his truck's bumper. Mr. LaSage, a Southern Californian,
established the Chatcheaters Web site, offering advice, surveillance
equipment and first-person stories of betrayal. The vehicle tracker
keeps a computer-readable log with exact time and locations, with
the help of a satellite GPS receiver.
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